Gaming (the exciting sequal to Growing Up)

The post on Growing Up was getting a bit long... but I do have a few more thoughts.

Some people live in stories forever because they don't feel like a hero in real life. One example of this is gamers. I'm not talking about people who play video games here and there. Games can be fun and I don't have anything against people who play them. I'm referring to those who spend 12 hours a day, 6 days a week in the game. It happens.

I knew a young man who was trying to be free of his gaming addiction. I've never heard someone speak so passionately about his or her desire to make a difference in the world and to be a leader. But he saw his attempts (in his ward, with his family, and at work) as failures and felt rejected by the world. He turned to games to fill that void. In the game he could command an army and work with others towards a greater good. He felt respected and powerful. Here's my problem with this. It's deceptive! He felt successful and fulfilled because he could easily and quickly see the points adding up and the territory growing larger. He could chat with others playing and feel like he had friends. He had numbers to prove his success. But what good did he actually do? Nothing! He wasn't taking any real risks because if things went bad he could just check out. Who did he help? No one! We live in a world of instantaneous gratification. Unlike earning points or power in a game, in life you don't get that kind of instantaneous proof. Though he felt successful in one way he also admitted to hating every other human being. That's proof enough to me that something has gone array.

I feel bad for my friend. I can see his potential. It's huge! I believe he'll pull out of it. I hope he'll learn that in life we just do our best and then trust that our efforts are making a difference, even if we can't see it. We can't expect a crowd to cheer our name and sing praises to us. The greatest heroes go unsung but they change the world nonetheless. They don't live in stories. They take risks and allow themselves to be vulnerable in order to help others. They grow up :)

Growing Up

I've always loved trying to figure people out! Can you think of anything more fascinating than people? I'm told that as a child when my family would have parties, instead of playing with the other children I would often sit with the adults, just listening quietly. I don't know exactly why, but I imagine I found adults had more interesting things to say and more complex personalities to understand. I could sit there, mostly unnoticed and just soak it in. This will sound a little silly, but in a way I felt like a secret agent, trying to infiltrate the adult world and understand the secrets hidden therein.

My mom called me the low maintenance child--content to listen quietly or play in my room by myself (which I could do for hours). I was rarely bored. When people were around I would listen and try to understand. When alone (times which I treasured) I could take my observations and use them to create stories. Oh how I loved my stories! They always involved complex, conflicted characters who at first seemed small and unimportant, but then discovered hidden abilities which allowed them to become brilliant leaders and save the day. I didn't write many of them down, but I acted them out, either with my toys or just in my head.

So that was my childhood. Quiet, but exciting to me. I imagine it's not an uncommon experience. Life is a little different now. I've grown up. I don't seem to have time to create the stories I did before. It's not that I don't want to, there are just more important things to occupy my time. I need to be responsible. It's of course good to grow-up, though I have a question. Does growing up mean you stop imagining? Does it mean the stories should come to an end? No, I don't think so! Those stories are really important. If you look at them closely enough they will show you who you are and who you believe you are capable of becoming. We cannot, we should not forget that! If we lose that belief in ourselves and our abilities to conquer evil and face insurmountable odds, if we lose that vision of the great work we are intended to do, we wont do it! We wont try! No, I think it's important to remember.

I still think up some stories and I can get entirely sucked into a good novel. These things help me to remember, but a big difference between being a child and now is that instead of acting the stories out in my mind, I have more of an opportunity to live them. It's exciting. Instead of pretending to be brave and speak out against the evils of the world, I actually have to speak. I actually have to feel opposition. I actually have to choose to have hope that all will turn out well, even though I do not have control over the end of the story. I can't just sit quietly with a group of adults and observe the way I once did. If I kept everything inside that would be wrong, a waste of all that practice I had acting these things out in the stories. I have to actually live!

It takes courage to live! In life we don't have control over the end of the story, we don't know what the other characters are thinking, and we can't take our words back when say something stupid. It would be easier to just live in a story... but where's the glory in that?

Lonely Friend

Some conversations are special. They stay in my mind imprinted with a label stating "This one is significant. This one was a gift." There is a sense of reverence and a little bit of excitement when I think of these moments, for it is always thrilling to feel the Lord's hand working in our lives. I've been thinking about three conversations I've had in the past few weeks that all seemed to have the same theme. In a charming little restaurant, in an abandoned parking lot, and while taking an extra lap around the block to buy more time, we talked about loneliness.

Now, loneliness is not something I have felt much of lately (insert: happy grateful sigh) but I remember in past years feeling it keenly. We all struggle with bouts of loneliness from time to time. I like how Dr. Seuss describes it:

I'm afraid that some times

you'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone is something

you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go...

Since having those conversations I've been thinking a lot about why we ever feel lonely. How does it happen? What purpose does it serve? How do we overcome it? Is technology to blame? I'm still working out the answers to these questions but after giving it some thought I do have a few things I would like to say to those friends who are feeling alone.

Dear Lonely Friend,

I wish I could somehow convey to you how much I love you. You are brilliant! At the moment you probably don't feel that way, but it's true. You are doing wonderfully. Just hang in there a little longer. The sun will come up soon, probably sooner than you think and brighter than you think.

If you are lonely because you feel misunderstood, remember that you are perfectly understood by your creator. Misunderstandings are going to happen. Those around you, even those who love you and should understand, sometimes will not. That's frustrating when you are trying so hard to do right. Be patient with them. Someday they will understand. If their perception of you is off God will correct that with time.

If you feel alone because you are unique and very few people seem to think the way you do, it's probably because you are unique. That uniqueness is what makes you special. It will enable you to serve and understand others who are likewise, unique. Do not complain that God has made you the way He has. There is purpose in His creations. Just go on being your fabulous self and serving in your unique way.

If you are lonely because you've lost hope in the future, remember that God always keeps His promises. He cannot lie. Remember the promises you've been given and don't doubt for a second that they will be yours. With unyielding determination hold on to those promises. Optimism is good medicine for this kind of fear. Choose to think positively even when all logic tells you there is no hope. There is always hope!

If you are lonely, I want to say call me, but better advice would be to pray. As I've mentioned before, "You can never know that Christ is all you need until Christ is all you have." The happiest thing about all this is that once you learn to rely on the Lord you'll never really feel alone.

Much love,

Susan